It is really difficult when other people think it is difficult and then it ends up not being difficult at all. Because it is really difficult for me, and that's hard.

It isn't supposed to make sense, I just had to write it. Somethings really hurt. And the funny thing about pain is that it doesn't make one bit of difference whether you want to hurt or to just be happy. The hurt just is.

You and Me

When you said that

I wondered why you were still living our life

And a week later realized it was first your life and then life we lived together.

So it goes. Just now I realized,

That I've forgotten what was you and what was me.

So I guess that was me and that was you, and we, and us, and other complicated subjects . . .

And now you go on while I go on,

And neither one could ever find themselves alone again.

And you know what? I'm good with that.

The Bucket List (for lack of a more original title as I do not like that one)

1. Complete a 5K July 3,2010

2. Complete a 10K

3. Complete a marathon

5. Learn to swim laps

6. Complete a triathlon (I hear there are some small ones available!)

7. Bicycle the Trans-America Trail or hike the Appalachian (or some trail that takes about 3 months total) with my daughter

8. Become a midwife

http://www.mrfs.net/trips/1997/Canadian_Rockies/Jasper/Jasper.html

Negative

I think the lack of possibility is the greatest heartbreak. Facing an emptiness with no hope.

In a minute I will remember all the good, all the happiness, and all the reason. I will be ok. But right now, I just need to be sad. I am deeply sad.

Blackbird Summer

(http://natashasartcandy.com/2008/09/06/blackbird-summer/)

Summer Writing

Summer is here, no more excuses. I need to be writing every day. Every stinking single day. Ugh. I don't know that the writing itself is worth it, but supposedly the discipline is. I'm not sure exactly what the interplay is between discipline and creativity, but I need some!

Also, this blog needs more pictures, lots more pictures! Which means I will have to log onto Big occasionally. I am thoroughly in love with and entirely comfortable with Mini. So we'll have to work on figuring out that.

If no one is going to let me skip right to maturity and the perspective and wisdom I long for, which I have found only comes with age, then I am going to embrace youth and the dogged ability to tackle foolish projects and accomplish things only because I have not yet gained the sense to know that they're impossible.

In the end, simple is the best by far.

More Musings on Redemption. And also Tomatoes.

In a previous life we were asked, "Why doesn't God immediately take believers to heaven when they are "saved"." And the expected and given answer was that we were here to get other people saved. But that's not our job, is it?

I think we're here to plant tomatoes. It's all written out there, just read it. God knew how broken this world was. He even knew how "broken-er" it was going to get. The little acts of redemption - Learn to do good. Seek Justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. Plant tomatoes. Pointing to Redemption.

It's not the "Social gospel". It's just the Gospel.